Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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