I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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