I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
