I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Found your dick twin last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
