She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
