Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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