whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
