everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize