if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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