My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
