make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
