I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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