running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
