In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The air taste purple.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
