On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
