I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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