Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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