Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
