I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
