i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
