Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Farmville is her only friend.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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