My friends, they love my intelligence
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
