Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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