He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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