look no pants
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
