BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
