Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
