She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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