Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
