Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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