Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
