she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize