I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
