There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
