You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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