i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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