I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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