Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
