remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
