Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
