Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
