also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
