He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i now understand why vodka
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
