what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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