we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
soo... how was my night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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