I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
