I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
