At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
