Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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