I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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