The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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