My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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