your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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