I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
