I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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