sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
