Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
