the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
