Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
