the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
