His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Even my vagina gasped.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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