Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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