guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
