I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
