I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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