i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
A+ Viking dick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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