maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
