They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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