her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
