Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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