Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
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