I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i barfeds in our rink
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Randomize
