Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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