it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
