That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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