I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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