Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Operation Purity has been aborted
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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