When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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