Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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