If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
