I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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