and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
