i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
