allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
