I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
