I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
