I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize