All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
