i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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