im about as happy as oj after his trial
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize