You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
