I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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