Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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