I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
