Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
