theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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