Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
