I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So much rum. So many feels.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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