don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
