can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
